Teaser Tuesday 3-2-2010

Here’s a ‘hot smooch’ scene from IMMORTAL BEGINNINGS

excerpt from pg. 215 

Remus held her hand as they walked through the flower garden. The last of the summer blooms were opening. The night air was thick with their sweet scent.

“You don’t talk much, do you?” she asked as he stopped at a wooden bench and motioned for her to sit. She sat down, still clinging to his hand.

“Well, you seem to like to talk, so I want you to do what you like,” he flashed a smile at her as he sat down beside her. He reached his hand up to gently trace her lips with his fingertip. “May I interrupt your words for a moment and ask you for something?”

Roxy nodded her head, unable to form words while the electric shocks tingled across her mouth.

“May I kiss you?” He stared deeply into her eyes through the dark locks of hair that fell across his face.

She nodded and closed her eyes in anticipation.

This is it! My first kiss with Remus, oh I hope I don’t screw it up. Man he smells good.

Roxy’s thoughts were shattered by the warm sensation of Remus’ lips against hers. He parted her lips with his tongue and placed his hand behind her head as he pulled her closer. She became warm all over and her fingers found their way to his hair. He moaned as she inched her body closer to his. She had heard what it was like to kiss the one you bond with, but no one explained it like this. She felt drawn to him like she wanted to melt into his body and be one being. He slowly moved closer to her as his kiss moved down her neck and up to her earlobe. She could hear his heavy breathing and the pounding of his heart. His breath smelled of peppermint.

He placed his hands around her waist and lifted her from her seat and put her onto his lap facing him. Her body felt like it would explode at any moment as he ran his hand up the side of her dress and grasped her thigh. Moaning with pleasure, she leaned toward him and kissed him with more strength than she thought possible. Their lips moved in perfect motion with one another.

“This is so much better than I ever imagined,” she whispered as he kissed her neck toward her chest.

His hand cupped her breast as she gave a soft moan, reveling in the electrical sensations his touch brought.

“Well, nice to see you don’t send all the boys away unsatisfied. I guess my little training session with you last year did some good after all.”

Roxy recognized Gabe’s voice as he appeared from behind an Oak tree.

She quickly stood up, straightened her dress and whirled around to face him. “Oh you’re just jealous it isn’t you, and it never will be again!”

She felt her face flush with embarrassment and anger. She was furious he said anything about that in front of Remus. She wanted to rip his throat out. She closed her fists tightly at her side and clenched her teeth.

Remus was instantly standing beside her smoothing her hand and glaring at Gabe. “Did you enjoy the show you pervert? Don’t you have some poor unsuspecting girl to violate or something?” Remus spat at him.

He had already heard about Gabe’s reputation with the girls and had no desire to allow him to further harm Roxy.

“Whoa, Roxy, he’s feisty. I like that. You want to have a go, big man?” Gabe asked.

“Gabe stop it. You’re being a child. Leave us alone!” Roxy yelled as Remus dropped her hand and placed himself between her and Gabe.

He let out a snarl that echoed into the trees. “You really don’t want to go there… Gabriel,” his voice was menacing.

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5 Comments

  1. It’s good.

    The only comments I have are when I hear the word “shattered” I put it with bad stuff. It’s too early in the morning for me to even TRY to come up with something else, but I’m sure someone will have an idea. or, it might work…. *shrugs* Also, I never thought of someone “smoothing” a person’s hand. Perhaps “stroking” it would be better.

    Also, don’t forget your commas! lol.

    All in all, a good scene. You go from something nice, sweet, and tender to having a complete jerk showing up and snapping them out of it.

  2. Aw, first kiss! You give us some nice imagery/sensations that go along with it. And then, poor girl–it’s all ruined when stinky Gabe interrupts! Nice switch from tender moment to tension! 🙂

  3. Yay for first kisses! I love how you set up this wonderful kiss, then ouch – nasty interruption. Heehee. Just a note – beware of head-hopping. E.g.:

    She felt her face flush with embarrassment and anger. She was furious he said anything about that in front of Remus. She wanted to rip his throat out. She closed her fists tightly at her side and clenched her teeth. (THIS IS ROXY’S HEAD.)

    *snip*

    He had already heard about Gabe’s reputation with the girls and had no desire to allow him to further harm Roxy. (AND NOW YOU’RE IN REMUS’ HEAD.)

  4. Oh I can’t comment on this one. : ) OH well. Loved it the first time, still do. But Tracey does have a good point about the head hopping.

  5. Very sweet and romantic.
    I agree about the head hopping.
    I’d also add that you don’t have to describe every single action when it comes to something like this. For example:

    I think this paragraph could be shorter

    Roxy’s thoughts were shattered by the warm sensation of Remus’ lips against hers. He parted her lips with his tongue and placed his hand behind her head as he pulled her closer. She became warm all over and her fingers found their way to his hair. He moaned as she inched her body closer to his. She had heard what it was like to kiss the one you bond with, but no one explained it like this. She felt drawn to him like she wanted to melt into his body and be one being. He slowly moved closer to her as his kiss moved down her neck and up to her earlobe. She could hear his heavy breathing and the pounding of his heart. His breath smelled of peppermint.

    Think back to your first kiss and the key things you remember and take it from there. Too much detail can slow things down.

    It is very romantic. 🙂


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