TEASER TUESDAY 12-28-2010

Here’s a new Teaser for you all. It’s the first section of my newest WIP. I don’t have a title yet, but hopefully it will come to me soon… Please comment and tell me what you think.

The Funeral

The warm Texas sun beat down on the green canopy above me between passing clouds. Even in the shade I was beginning to sweat beneath my black sundress.  The wind blew just enough to send wafts of hideous smelling perfume across my face. I was thankful for my dark sunglasses, not because they protected my eyes from the peek-a-boo sunlight that bounced out from behind looming rain clouds but because they hid my eyes from the few people sitting around me. I didn’t know half of them and was not looking forward to standing at the end of the service and listening to more sympathetic words from strangers.

The metal chair beneath me cut into my back as I tried my best to get comfortable. I stared at the single white rose clutched in my hands. Its thorns were on the verge of piercing my skin. The words of the pastor were nothing more than mumbling to me. They entered my ears and didn’t register with my brain as actual words.
I want this to be done, over with, finished, so I can go home.

The pain in my chest had subsided for the moment, but I knew the moment I stood to do my part and place the rose on her lowering casket I would feel it again. A part of me wanted to climb inside with her and die so that we could be together again. I couldn’t though, it was bad enough that I was getting swamped with unwanted hugs from women I had never seen before. If I climbed onto her casket they would have me locked up as crazy.
The light squeal of car brakes broke through the mumbling of the pastor. I wanted to turn around and see who was showing up late, but thought better of it. Hopefully, it wasn’t another strangers. Maybe one of my friends, back from vacation early, had come to give me comfort.

What is it about funerals that bring long lost friends out of the woodwork?

I was back to staring at the rose. Its petals were beautiful, just like her, pure and perfect. The thorns reminded me of her strength. She had always been strong. The pastor stopped his mumbling and now stood beside me, placing his hand on my shoulder.
Guess this is my cue to get up and say goodbye.

I stood, on wobbly legs from sitting in the same position for too long, and made my way to the closed casket. A part of me wished it were open so I could see her face just one more time but the man at the mortuary, James, had said it would be better for everyone if it was closed. I stood at the side of the casket; its sleek black paint bounced the sunlight back onto me. A tear fell from my eye, running down my cheek. I didn’t think I had any more of them left. I had cried a lot in the last few days. Placing the rose to my lips I kissed it before setting it on the casket and resting my shaky hand atop it.
“Good bye Mom, I love you,” I whispered.

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2 Comments

  1. I think this is a slamdunk, haunting sentence:

    “I wished [the casket} was open so I could see her face just one more time but the man at the mortuary said it would be better for everyone if it was closed.”

    Is there any way you can start the scene with that? What a terrific hook…

    • Thanx so much for commenting! Yeah, I guess I could. This is just the 1st draft & ur right it WOULD be super creepy and awesome all while peaking the reader’s interest.


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